I got back 2 of my remaining 3 rolls of film today, and immediately put them up on the walls of my studio. And I got stuck.
It's not that the pictures aren't good--they are. I just don't know why yet. I'm toying around with some ideas--you'll see them in the Sketchbook section. But as of right now, I'm not so sold on my previous idea, which was to trace the images of myself and overlap them, turning them into a repeating pattern. I'm recognizing this as some old work bubbling to the surface left over from college. And maybe it needs to be worked through further, and that's why it's coming back to me. Or maybe I'm just picking up sort of where I left off. Ideas of overwhelm and comfort and smothering and hoarding. Hell, I even made a pile in the center of the studio made out of chairs and blankets; if that doesn't reek of my BFA thesis exhibition, I don't know what would.
So, I feel a little frustrated with myself. My brain has gone to where it is comfortable, and I'm a little pissed about it. Maybe I should give myself a break, this is really the first time I've had a sustained opportunity to even think about this stuff. But it's still a little disappointing. I know I'm not the same person I was in 2009, so I can't remain stuck there with what I create. Now I have to figure out what to do next. The photographs have something, though; I think I can take them in a different direction than I was planning. I have one more batch to retrieve today, so perhaps that'll nudge me somewhere.
Can I just say, as an aside, that the tap water in Berlin tastes like blood? Like, I'm drinking straight-up metallic-tinged blood water? It's making my coffee taste like no coffee should ever taste, too.